💛 Hey friend,

Last week, we talked about the power of claiming your voice and saying what you want out loud. This week, I want to take that further by sharing a framework I use to help founders through some of the hardest conversations they ever have.

This was top of mind recently, as I was in LA as part of the Joy Tour, raising money for the Trevor Project and hosting VIP Days for readers on the west coast.

VIP Days are the most intense, high-impact experience I offer for founders who are stuck and tired of pretending everything is fine. They bring their toughest challenges, and we work through them live with a session that’s custom-designed to help them drive clarity on what they want, let go of the bullshit that’s stopping them, and make real progress with concrete next steps.

The most common request I get 👉 co-founders who need to clear the air.

I call these sticky conversations.

People avoid them for months, and often, years, because they’re terrified of what they'll find on the other side – they worry that the relationship may be broken, and that if they pull a thread, the whole thing will unravel.

If I’m being honest, when facilitated poorly, sticky conversations can actually blow everything up.

But they don’t have to…

---

Co-Founder Relationships Don’t Implode, They Erode

Most co-founder relationships that go sideways don't fall apart because someone did something catastrophically wrong. They erode due to a lack of appreciation.

Read that again, because it’s so easy to fall into this trap ☝️☝️☝️

The partnerships I see on life support aren’t struggling with one big problem, but many tiny resentments. And most of the time, those resentments are rooted in a lack of praise or acknowledgement.

It goes something like this…

Everybody's busy. You and your co-founder have to be steady for everyone else – employees, investors, customers, etc. So you place your intention and attention looking after them.

Meanwhile (and naturally of course) none of them are acknowledging how hard YOU are working, or what exceptional leadership you are embodying.

Which is why, when the only person who’d even see & know it (your co-founder) doesn’t acknowledge your magic – it not only sucks, it accumulates.

Here’s a great example…

You send a well prepared and thoughtful project summary to your co-founder, and rather than celebrate the amazing results it reflects, or notice the effort you put in to deliver the results, or thanking you for the extra care you took formatting it so it was easy to consume – your co-founder simply responds with questions and feedback.

No acknowledgement.

No appreciation.

No celebration.

It’s death by a thousand tiny cuts, and just like any romantic relationship, it can lead to a place where enough neglect has you looking at your company and thinking, “I still love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”

Without a solution, the breakup is just a matter of time.

---

My Secret Weapon: The One-To-Five Scale

By the time someone calls me in for a sticky conversation, it’s usually a five-alarm fire in their mind. They’ve been ruminating on it for months, sometimes years, and often, they’re convinced the only good solution is walking away.

he first thing we do is take all the big feelings and ground them in something measurable.
​

I ask them to use a 1-5 scale – where one is “failing it,” and five is “nailing it” – and rate how they feel across four key domains of the company:

• The team
• The current vision
• The main product or service
• Their relationship with their co-founder

I always ask about all four domains because it helps us get specific about where the real problem lies, rather than flattening everything into one vague score.

It also helps me gauge how committed they are to making a change. If someone is a 2 in their co-founder relationship, that’s tough, but fixable, so long as they’re still bought in on the vision, team, etc. Conversely, even when someone’s co-founder relationship is good, if they’re throwing up 1’s on team, product, and vision, it may be time to GTFO.

The last reason this works is that it makes it easier to name the solution (once again… voice!)

Once I know where someone stands, I’ll ask, “What would it look like to get that to a five?” And that’s where the conversation with their co-founder really starts. Often, the solution is simpler than they were expecting.

The 1-5 scale gives them a shared language for assessing things, and creates a framework for measuring progress that they otherwise don’t have when the conversation is about feelings alone.

---

This Works With Direct Reports Too

When someone walks in frustrated and overwhelmed and says "I feel completely unsupported," your brain, as the leader, can read that as an emergency.

Instead of going straight to disaster response…

➡ First, thank them for naming it and bringing that truth forward to you (I always say, “thank you for trusting yourself and me,” to build their confidence in starting tough conversations)

➡ Then ask them to rate where they are on the topic/concern on a scale of 1-5, and lastly…

➡ Ask what it’d take to get to a five.

You'll often find the problem is smaller than the emotion around it. The challenge you first thought was a screaming-one might actually be a three, or four, and that the path to a five is a lot shorter than either of you originally assumed.

Meanwhile, the exercise itself helps them feel heard, and can take the edge off of their dissatisfaction while you work toward a solution together.

---

Bottom Line...

You can’t manage what you can’t measure.

The 1-5 scale helps us ground big feelings into something measurable, puts them into perspective, and gives us something real to work with when brainstorming, collaborating, and designing solutions.

Once we’re grounded in data, a conversation that felt impossible to start becomes one that finally, finally moves things forward.

​
💛 Angela

PS. If you’d been putting off having a sticky conversation I invite you to set a deadline right fucking now.

Literally open your calendar, pick a date, add it to the calendar, then reach out (in whichever medium feels most aligned for you) to the other person and take care of what you need to.

It’s not serving them, you, or those who love you – delaying a convo that needs to happen is harmful and dangerous.

You are strong, courageous, and worthy.

Get it done so you can get back to doing what you do best.

✨ And if you want help navigating that, just hit reply and let me know what's up.

---